The Secret of the Sexy Jutsu
by Mark Horne
Summary: Sakura convinces Naruto to teach her the Sexy Jutsu. But will she regret it for the rest of her life? One shot.


**A/N** I'm trying a different fandom here, so if I get something wrong I guess you should bash me. I don't own these characters, nor the land in which they live and the means by which they live in it.

oooo

It was another boring day in Konoha and Naruto was walking up and down the dusty streets absently-minded kicking a soda can. He had decided that would be the extent of his day, when all of a sudden Sakura burst out of an alley way in front of him.

"NARUTO!" she yelled. "I've been looking all over for you. You weren't at your apartment or the ramen stand or anything!"

Naruto shrugged, unimpressed by the hysterical girl. "I didn't have anything to do at home but laundry, and until I get paid on Thursday, I can't afford to buy ramen."

Sakura groaned and shook her pink-coiffed head. "You shouldn't be so careless with your money! How are you ever going to get by in this world? Anyway, that's not why I needed to find you."

"I won't need money when I'm hokage," muttered Naruto under his breath. Sakura didn't seem to notice.

"You know that jutsu you use to convince men to do anything you want?" asked the pink-haired girl.

"Oh, you mean the Sexy Jutsu. What about it?"

"Well, I'd really like it if you could teach it to me."

Naruto did a double-take. First, Sakaura had a use for him. Second she wanted to know a jutsu she had publicly claimed was for perverts. "By the hokage's hat! Why would you want to learn that?"

"You know that woman you and Jiraya brought back to take over Konoha? Tsunade-sama? She's a legend! She's the best medical ninja in generations, and they say she had the power to smash a building with a single blow." Her eyes glazed over and she no longer seemed to be looking at Naruto. "I heard that she carved the hokage mountain with her fists."

"That would explain why her head is bigger than all the others," said Naruto. "But what does Granny-Chibi have to do with – "

"Exactly! She's the greatest woman in all of Konoha, and I want to train under her, but she won't let me! You got Jiraya to train you with the Sexy Jutsu, so I want you to teach it to me, so I can use it on Tsunade."

"Huh, I've never heard of a girl using the Sexy Jutsu before, but I guess this is what science is. Come on, we shouldn't practice out in public. Someone from ANBU beat me up the other day when I was training Konahamarou on top of the melon stand." Naruto turned down the alley that Sakura had come from and they walked a little ways until they reached an empty courtyard.

"This looks like a pretty good place. Ok, I'll go through the hand signs slow, then you do them, ok? And think of the sexiest thing you can. SEXY JUTSU!"

Naruto went through the hand signs and then there was a pop and a large puff of smoke. In his place stood a tall, lithe, and nude woman with pigtails. Sakura gulped. She had never had feelings for a girl before, or anyone really, except for Sasuke. But seeing Naruto like this kind of made her want to give up her first kiss.

"Now you try," said Naruto-chan.

Sakura took a deep breath and concentrated hard. "SEXY JUTSU!" There was a loud pop and a puff of pink smoke, and when it was gone there stood a mirror image of Sasuke dressed in his usual garb.

"No, no, no," said Naruto, shaking his head and making his breasts jiggle through the thin wisps of smoke that had been concealing them. He ended the jutsu and returned to normal. "You're never going to convince Tsunade with that."

Sakura admired herself. "Wow, this is so cool. How can she not be convinced!? I look just like Sasuke!"

Naruto grimaced. "Exactly. Granny Tsunade is much too old for kids our age. You'll need something that a grown-up would like." Which is why I never Sexy Jutsu into you, Naruto thought to himself.

Sakura thought about it hard for a second. "Well, my mom does have this odd calendar. SEXY JUTSU!"

Now standing in her place was a large, muscular man, shirtless. His chiseled, and deeply tanned, body was covered only by suspenders and tight-fitting leather pants. He also wore the helmet of the Konoha fire brigade.

Looking at her, Naruto began to have strange feelings that he had never had before. This was a guy he wanted to hang out with and practice sparring, or maybe cutting down trees.

"How do I look?" asked Sakura. She moved to better examine herself and then flexed a couple of times. "Ugh, I don't know why my mom would want to look at this man, he's so muscly."

"It's perfect! Don't worry, old women like Tsunade love big guys like that. It's why Gai-sensei gets asked on so many dates, and Kakashi doesn't. He's too skinny."

"Hmph, I thought Kakashi didn't get asked out because he was a pervert." She folded her arms against her chest and made her biceps appear even bigger.

"I don't know," said Naruto, scratching his head. "Jiraya is an even bigger pervert, but woman are always asking him out. He says it's because he knows lots of jutsus, but they all look like civilians to me, so I don't get why would want to train with him."

Sakura frowned. "I don't know either. So you're sure this will work?"

"Believe it! She'll totally train you if you use that on her. She hasn't been on a date in so long, she'll do anything you want. Just think about being normal and you'll go back."

With another puff of smoke Sakura was back to her female self. "Thank you so much Naruto! I'm going to go use this on her right now, and then after that, I'll take you out to the ramen stand."

"WOW! Alright! Go Sakura! Team 7 rules!" Naruto couldn't believe his good luck. Sakura was going to take him on a date. For ramen!

The bushy-haired girl quickly turned and rushed off at full ninja speed. It was still early in the day, and Sakura knew that Tsunade liked to have all of her appointments in the afternoon. If she could get the hokage while she was free, it would be perfect. In no time at all Sakura was at the hokage tower. The building was open to the public, so she had no trouble getting in, or making it to the top floor where Tsunade's office was.

Sakura crept up to the door. She didn't want to alert anyone to her presence until she had activated the jutsu. Fortunately no one was around, and Tsunade seemed to be angrily yelling at her assistant. Sakura concentrated with all of her might. It wasn't enough to be sexy enough to impress Naruto or her mom, Sakura had to be the sexist thing Tsunade-sama had ever seen. She had to bend a hokage to her will. There was no room for error. "Sexy jutsu!" she whispered so she would not be heard. When the smoke dissipated, she looked herself over and nodded. "Here I go!"

Tsunade was sitting at her desk, shuffling through a stack of papers three inches high while her assistant Shizune quivered from a thorough tongue-lashing. The doors to her office suddenly burst open, and the hokage was quite surprised to see what looked like a shirtless member of the Konoha fire brigade strut in, carrying a puppy in one arm and a sack in the other.

"I'm sorry, I don't have an appointment," said the man in a husky voice, his teeth perfectly white and gleaming. "But I found this lost puppy and this bag full of baby kittens and I just knew this was the best place to bring them." Tsunade realized that the sack was indeed mewing. She looked over at Shizune who was still quivering, but in a different way.

"I love kittens!" cried Shizune. The petite woman ran over to the burly man and tried to get to the bag. She also tried to rub herself against him at the same time.

Sakura hadn't counted on Shizune being smitten by the jutsu and was getting a little uncomfortable. Tsunade stood up and glared. She had wanted her assistant to be punished, not to be overjoyed by a bag of kittens. "Get out!" she snapped.

They both looked up at her. Sakura felt a tinge of panic. "Me?" she asked manly.

Tsunade gritted her teeth. Why were the good looking ones always so dumb? "No, not you. Shizune, get out! I have business to attend to with Mr. – er, what was your name?

Sakura started panicking again. She hadn't considered that. What was the sexist name she could come up with?

"Mamoru Chiba," she said quickly.

Tsunade nodded. "Yes, I have business with Mr. Chiba, someone needs to find homes for all of these kittens. I want you to find all the deserving school children in town and bring them to the hokage tower and wait for my signal."

"But Tsunade-sama –"

"GO!" Roared Tsunade. Shizune skittered out of the room, stopping briefly to take one last look at the grip the pants kept on Mamoru's butt.

Tsunade huffed and then walked around to the front of her desk and leaned against it, jutting her chest out ever so slightly and allowing a good look at her ample cleavage. "Mr. Chiba, may I call you Mamoru?"

"Why yes you can, ma'am." Sakura realized as soon as the words left her mouth that she had made a terrible mistake.

A hint of annoyance shot across Tsunade's face, but she decided that she wasn't going to let her vanity get in the way of enjoying one of Konoha's finest. She decided the fire brigade would be getting a raise this year. "Mamoru," and the word rolled of her tongue in a purr, "I think we both know you're not here to tell me about kittens and puppies."

Sakura tried to strike a pose that would have made Gai proud. She pressed her manly fist into her hip (with the puppy squirming in the crook of her arm) and puffed out her impressive chest. "No, I'm not. I'm here on behalf of Sakura Haruno. She's a smart and brilliant girl, but hasn't had a good teacher. She needs someone like you to train her, my lovely Tsunade-sama." Sakura thought the lovely was a good touch. She began to feel like she was getting the hang of this.

Confusion crossed over Tsunade. "Why are you here on behalf of – oh never mind, I don't need to know why. Sakura is a smart girl, and brilliant too, but I'm a busy woman. You'll have to convince me to take her on."

Sakura thought several words that would have upset her mother. Convince her? Wasn't just standing around supposed to be convincing enough? That's all Naruto ever had to do. Would she actually have to touch Tsunade? What did her dad do when he was trying to be romantic?

Sakura reached out and took Tsunade's delicate hand with her free hand, dropping the puppy in the process, which scampered over to some chairs in the corner and whimpered underneath them. Sakura took the pale hand and brought it up to her lips and kissed it several times. She looked up to see Tsunade smiling, her eyes half closed.

Tsunade purred slightly. "Yes that's nice, but I'll need more than that."

Sakura was at a loss on what to do next. Her parents always seemed to disappear after the arm kissing. Should she kiss her on the lips? Sakura couldn't decide if she really wanted to use up her first kiss on a woman, and the hokage of all people. Her ninja training welled up. She could see Kakashi telling her to be brave. Sometimes ninjas just had to do things they didn't want to. And besides, it wasn't really her kissing, so it didn't count as her first kiss.

Sakura began to lean in very close to Tsunade, first noticing that the hokage smelled a bit like lavender, then deciding not to be distracted by that, and finally choosing to move her free arm around Tsunade's back, since that seemed like the right thing to do. She came closer and closer, Tsunade's red lips eager and ready, her eyes beckoning to the man, and Sakura used all of her bravery to gently peck Tsunade's lips.

Inwardly the hokage groaned. Did the men of Konaha simply not know how to treat a lady anymore? They were all perverts or fumblers like this man. If he wasn't so good to look at, she would throw him out. Well this just meant that she would have to take charge. That was fine; she was used to being in charge and liked it better anyway.

Sakura thought the kiss was nice and that she had everything under control when Tsunade very forcefully began to kiss back. Sakura tried to gasp, but that only allowed Tsunade to slide her tongue into her mouth. The girl in the man's body was left wide-eyed in surprise. People did this?! It seemed sort of cool, so she rubbed her own tongue against Tsunade's. As cool as it felt, Sakura also had the feeling that she was starting to get in over her head.

Tsunade then pushed Mamoru back. Sakura wondered what she had done wrong, but by the look on Tsunade's face, she decided she hadn't.

"That was good." In fact it was the best make out session Tsunade had had in years. "You're starting to convince me. I like your puppy, let me show you mine." She then yanked apart her robes, letting her breasts spill out.

Sakura couldn't believe what she was seeing. They were huge, as big as her head. What was she supposed to do with them? Touch them? Sakura began to wish she had an older sister to tell her about this kind of stuff. Sakura went back to her ninja training again. What would Kakashi do in this situation?

Sakura was incapable of knowing what Kakashi would actually do in this situation, but it is worth noting that he wouldn't think as much.

Kakashi would copy. That's what he would do, she decided. What ever Tsunade would do, she would do as well. Tsunade had thrown open her robes, so Sakura grabbed her suspenders in each hand, dropping the bag of kittens in the process which landed with a heavy thud and several shrill meows, and pulled them off of her chest. Her pants were tight enough that they didn't actually move when the suspenders were removed. Sakura noticed that the trousers were oddly getting tighter.

Tsunade grinned and pressed her hands against the firm muscles of Mamoru's chest. They rolled around rubbing and squeezing the man chest. Sakura nodded to herself. Ok, here I go. She laid her right hand gently on top of Tsunade's right breast. Her hand, as large as it was, was nothing to the mound. Sakura was surprised at just how soft it was. Tsunade obviously took very good care of her skin. The pink-haired girl began to gently stroke and pet the breast. She attempted to squeeze it, as Tsunade was doing to her own chest, but she simply could not get her hand around it. Sakura felt like an idiot. She would have a set of these of her own, and she didn't even know what to do with them. Tsunade was smiling, though, so she took some confidence in that.

The hokage wrapped her arms around Mamoru's neck and pulled him down close to her. She began to kiss and nibble on the strong neck muscles. Sakura thought that felt good, but didn't know how to copy that from this angle. Tsunade seemed to like the hand on her breast, so she would keep that one there, and the other one, she could use to rub Tsunade's neck. That would sort of be like kissing.

Gently rubbing Tsunade's neck and handling her breast as best she could, Sakura began to review things tactically. How much more would Tsunade need? It seemed like she wanted to kiss Mamoru's neck forever. And worse she hadn't actually agreed to train her. Sakura wasn't sure how much longer she could maintain this ruse. She was going to need to get Tsunade to agree to train her quickly.

"How do I get you to say yes?" asked Sakura very huskily.

Tsunade stopped kissing Mamoru's neck and leaned back. Finally, this was getting somewhere. "You're very forward, aren't you. I think you know what you need to do to get me to say yes."

Sakura began to scream inside her head. No, no I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Fortunately for Sakura, Tsunade continued. "I have a kitten of my own to show you," she purred. She loosened her belt and flung her robes off, revealing her entire nude body. She then slid up to sit on the desk.

Sakura tried really hard not to twitch. This was really something she wasn't supposed to see. But if she didn't look, it might insult Tsunade, and she had come too far to fail now.

"You like my kitten?" Tsunade asked as she ran a hand down her body.

Sakura found she couldn't speak. It was hard enough just to maintain standing. In the background the puppy was now chasing the kittens around.

"You don't need to answer," said the hokage. "I can tell you like what you see." She gripped the waist of Mamoru's pants and pulled him close, then she began to rub the front of the trousers where they were tightest.

Sakura nearly leapt into the air. What was that? What was Tsunade touching? Oh no, it couldn't be …

Tsunade pulled apart the fly and began to roll the leather pants down Mamoru's body, which was very difficult considering how tight they were.

Sakura began to panic, yet again. That hadn't been in the picture, she didn't even know what one looked like! What if it was wrong? Tsunade would see right through this whole thing. Sakura squeezed her eyes tight.

"Agree, agree!" she yelled.

"Oh I will," said Tsunade with a big grin. She grabbed Mamoru's rear and thrust him between her open legs that now were wrapping themselves around the masculine body.

The terror Sakura was experiencing was nearly enough to make her pass out. She was losing track of just what was going on, except that it involved sensations that she didn't understand, in parts of her that she didn't have. There were also weird noises and now Tsunade was growling. Growling? Sakura couldn't take this anymore.

"Please, just agree to train her!"

"N-not, u-until, I t-train YOU!" shrieked Tsunade as pleasure enveloped her.

"Come on!" snapped Sakura, who could hardly bear this ordeal. Mamoru's body seemed to be moving, but Sakura was barely aware of it.

"I am! Oh I am!" cried Tsunade loudly, her head tilted backwards. "I'll do anything!"

Finally, Sakura thought. "Tell me yes! Now!" She felt oddly empowered all of a sudden. It was a different feeling for her.

"I will! I will! OH YES! YES! YES! YES!" Tsunade let out a fearsome cry and flung her onto Mamoru, clutching his body so tightly that Sakura thought she would be crushed. Panting, the hokage looked up at the sweaty face. "You were amazing. Oh, for you, I'll train Sakura. But please, come back and see me again. Oh …"

Tsunade seemed to wilt right in front of her, and Sakura had to catch the hokage before she fell onto the desk. Mamoru was very strong, so the girl had no problem lifting the prone woman and laying her gently across the desk. She seemed to be asleep. Sakura didn't understand why that had happened, but at least Tsunade said she would train her. Sakura pinched Tsunade just to be sure, but when the hokage didn't stir, she felt it was safe to revert to her real form.

Sakura looked her self over and let out a long sigh. Everything was in place, and she wasn't even sweaty anymore. As she changed back, the kittens and puppy vanished. She shrugged. Tsunade had hardly noticed them anyway, so she wouldn't realize what had happened based on their absence. Sakura quietly left the room and shut the door behind her. As she turned around Shizune and a large group of school children were approaching.

"Sakura-chan, what are you doing here?" asked the assistant.

Fear swept through Sakura. "I was just speaking to Tsunade, she, um, agreed to train me."

"Oh so Mr. Chiba must be gone," replied Shizune.

"Um, I don't know who that is, but it was just me and Tsunade in there." Sakura looked around for a window to jump through. She had to escape.

"Great, well, I guess I'll be seeing you around since you'll be training with Lady Tsunade. Have a wonderful day Sakura-chan!"

Sakura bowed deeply and hastily and then ran full bore down the hallway past the line of children.

Shizune smiled as she watched Sakura go. She had always liked the girl and thought she would make an excellent pupil. She turned back to the children. "Are you ready children? Let's go get each one of you a kitten!" The children cheered, and Shizune was happy to be giving these children such a treat. She flung open the doors to the hokage's office.

oooo

Sakura was on the street level when she heard the screams, but kept running. She didn't stop running until she reached Naruto's apartment complex. As usual he was sitting on the water tower watching birds and summoning toads to throw at them. "Naruto-kun!" she called from the ground.

Naruto smiled and leapt off the water tower and landed at Sakura's feet. "So, did it work? Will she train you?"

Sakura nodded, a bit of a flush came to her cheeks. "She did, but the jutsu was harder than I thought it would be. Did you, um, did you ever have to do anything, strange for Jiraya?"

Naruto tilted his head. "Nah, all I did was kind of stand there and spin around once or twice. That old pervert wasn't hard to convince at all."

Sakura looked at the ground. "Tsunade wasn't that easy to convince."

Curiosity grew in Naruto, but he felt that maybe this wasn't something he should ask about. He quickly changed the subject. "So wanna get some ramen?"

"YES!" cried Sakura, straightening quickly. "Let's go!"

"Great, I'm starving!"

The next morning Sakura began her training with Tsunade and not long after that Naruto left with Jiraya for parts unknown. Tsunade had to bribe several groups of parents, especially the prominent ones, and no one spoke of the incident again. She also never saw Mamoru Chiba again, and when she checked the fire brigade's payroll she found no one by that name. She wasn't discouraged by that. After all, she had only assumed that he was on the fire brigade.

Every morning when the door to her office opened, Tsunade hoped it would be Mamoru, but it would only be Sakura for her daily training.


End file.
